Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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