so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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