my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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