some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
