I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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