I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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