First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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