he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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