some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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