You can't motorboat a personality
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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