I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am naked and annoyed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
