My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
the raccoons are back...
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