It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
