i think my tv is drunk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
