just tell him i said nine months
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
