I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
