I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
