she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
