I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
