i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
