your room smells of hookers.
And success
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
