Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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