Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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