I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
