You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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