if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
two words...techno handjob
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
