this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They have beer where we have blood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
