the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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