I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
