Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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