I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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