hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
