fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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