I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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