Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
