I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
