Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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