so that wasnt chicken after all
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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