No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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