i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
