I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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