I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
