the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
