and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
