I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
