Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
