I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
