I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
