He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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