I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
