just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
