I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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