Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
