it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
