smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
